It’s over;
I am not going to be around much these days, and that includes my fashion blog, Facebook, even my Etsy site.
John and I, are over. He was doing the dishes yesterday morning (Yes Valentine’s Day), and once he finished while I was working on the laundry I went out to talk to him and he put it on me that he “just isn’t happy” and is “tired of trying” we have been having issues lately, but nothing to this magnitude. We seriously were on Saturday talking about having kids. On Friday he made sure I went and signed the rental agreement so I could stay here. I ask what he wants me to do, that I have done everything he asked me to, and he said it’s just too late and he just doesn’t want to be in a relationship with anyone right now. I ask if he wants me to move out, he says yes.
I feel like my soul was raped to a bloody pulp and then thrown out to dry. I have never experienced such loss, seven fucking years I have been in love with him. I have married this man, I have gotten him through everything and he for me, I have loved him before I even met him, I have given him all of my heart, I have literally given up my entire life for him at the drop of a hat to be with him, three times. When I came down here this time, uprooting my entire life (again) I was seriously 100% in this for the long haul, I was willing to do whatever it took to work out, I was willing to do fucking anything, for better or worse.
I guess I was just a little too late.
I don’t know what I am going to do, where I am going to go or how to go about any of it. My body is scared shitless and my mind has checked out for the holiday.
I seriously do not remember life before him. I was sixteen for fuck’s sake. How do you go about even trying to get over someone who has been there for more than a third of your life as one of your pedestals, who owns your entire heart?
aw…i’m really bad about being just a lurker, but i just wanted to say that i like your tumblr blog a lot. one of the things i really like about it is your love of love. my prayer for you is that you don’t lose that. whether you’re loving one person or a lover of souls, love is pretty grand. what a hard time you’re about to go through…but, this too shall pass (this is true). the universe has even more in store, my friend.
